Brothers From Another Mother....You Decide?

Well it's been a while and for that were sorry! There was a little mix up with the Polynesian officials about a bag of Heroine and a 11 year old boy, but that's behind us now and were back. We here at F4P have stumbled upon a story we think you are dedicated readers should know about.....could this man in picture one be the long lost whiter brother of Presidential hopeful Barack Obama?

Having once lost six grand betting on a dog called Liquorish Stick, I think I know a thing or two about dog fighting. Like never bet on a dog called liquorish Stick when he is going up against 7 time World Champ, Iron Jaw. Anyways, it has come to our attention that beloved Atlanta Hawks Quarterback Michael Vick A.K.A Ron Mexico is in a spot of trouble regarding some dog fights he may have hosted. We decided to dig a little deeper into this and find out a bit more about the world of underground dog fighting.
In our search for more information we came across an actual league that runs illegal dog fights known as the National Dog Fighting League or N.D.F.L. The league has been around since 1992 when the W.W.D.F.F. (World Wide Dog Fighting Federation) merged with the M.L.C.F. (Major League Cockfighting) creating the N.D.F.L. We sat down with commissioner of the N.D.F.L Mr. Sal Huebrick.

F4P: Good Morning Mr. Huebrick, thanks for coming so let's get right into this so the two leagues merged back in 1992 but what where did the chickens go.

SH : Good morning, and excellent question. To be honest there just isn't an money here in the U.S. for cockfighting, so we got rid of it. But in Mexico and Europe Cockfighting is huge. Basically it's like soccer, for whatever reason it just does not translate here in the U.S.

F4P: How would you respond to critics of your sport who claim it's cruel and morally bankrupt?

SH: Look our league is clean and respectable, we have a very strict anti doping policy and each match is monitored by a league licensed ref to make sure no one is throwing the match.

F4p: But Sir, you have dogs in the ring killing each other!

SH: Fair enough, but compare our league to any other major sporting league out there. Our athletes aren't using steroids, shooting up strip clubs, or assaulting there spouses....

f4p: Of course there not, there dogs for Christ sake

SH: Listen to me, when Bow Wow Bigelow or Mr Tootles finish a match (assuming they survive) they don't go home and put there wives head through a plaster wall cause they are all hopped up on some drug. No, our athletes are all well behaved and obiedendent. They live model lives outside the ring and are role models. If one of our athletes steps out of line its nothing a rolled up newspaper to the nose can't solve. I mean can football of even baseball say that? No sir, no they cannot.

F4P: No, no I don't believe baseball or football can claim to have such model athletes in there leagues but again I need to point out that your athletes aren't actually athletes, their dogs and more over if a baseball or football player steps out of line there not shot after the game, how do you respond to that?

SH: But imagine how competitive sports would be if they were, that's all I'm going to say about that then.

F4P: Recently Michael Vick has been indited for allegedly electrocuting, shooting, drowning, and in one case repeatedly smashing a dog on the pavement to kill it. Any comment on this?

SH: Yah, his training methods were pretty advanced, but that's probably why he bred so many winners, I mean in this sport most guys follow the more traditional training route of starving and then kicking the shit out of there dog.

F4P: Ok, well thank you very much for your time. I hope you have a great time rotting in hell!

Tintin you Racist Bastard!

As a child, I loved reading, whether it was a picture book, a comic book, or a novel, I would devour anything put in front of me. I, of course, read all the classics: Clifford The Big Red Dog, Nate The Great, Richard Scary's Big Book of Pictures, and of course the Adventures of Tintin. I mean who could resist the zany adventures of this freakish looking ginger with a vicious widows peak and a "There's a Something About Mary Cowlick"
But for all his lovable antics and kind hearted deeds, Tintin was hiding a dark, horrible secret, one that stood against everything Tintin represented. Tintin was and is to this day a horrible and dedicated racist who believes in nothing else but the advancement of the white race. For the most part Tintin hides his hatred well and you never even realize you are looking at a card carrying member of the Ku Klux Clan. However, in Tintin in the Congo we finally see Tintin's hatred bubble over. Treating the internationally much beloved and well respected people of the Congo as if they were no more than beastly savages. In the End Tintin is banned from the nation after raising a giant wooden cross and declaring himself king. A sad day for children's literature. In case you were wondering though, here are some other Tintin titles you might not be familiar with:

Tintin and the Third Reich
Tintin travels the Triangle Trade
Tintin and the Grand Wizard
Tintin Keep it White, Keep it Pure

Frankly my world is turned on it's edge, what are we going to find out next that Winnie the Poo was raping Christopher Robins.... Christ I'm going to bed.




http://www.boston.com/news/local/massachusetts/articles/2007/07/16/us_borders_bookstores_shelve_tintin/
http://www.reuters.com/article/lifestyleMolt/idUSN1725600020070717

Japanese terror alert level raised to Radioactive Green

The terror alert level in Japan was raised to green today after 6.8 earthquake shook the foundations of Kashwiwazaki Nuclear power plant, causing a crack in one of the coolant tanks which spilled out gallons of radioactive water into the Sea of Japan. Wide spread panic, and terror, gripped most of this small island nation shortly after this news was released. Dr. Dom O. Oregato head of the Japanese radioactive monster development agency was beside himself when an F4P reporter interviewed him about the potential side affects of such a disaster. "Currently my team is monitoring any and all potential threats to our nation. From what we can tell 315 gallons of radioactive water have now interacted with hundreds, or possibly thousands of aquatic sea life. The chances of us getting some type of Radioactive moth, or sea monster out of this incident are fairly high! Frankly sir we are sitting on the brink of history where we could potentially make fantasy into reality". The Japanese military is on high alert and The USS Kennedy and USS Grover Cleavland have been dispatched to the Sea of Japan to assist if necessary.

When asked about the possibility of such a giant creature running loose off the coast of Japan Dr. Oregato could only speculate " We don't really know what would happen to be honest. I mean you can plan and plan but until the event actually occurs your never truly prepared. We assume the creature will move inland looking for food, and buildings to smash.It could Potentially have the ability to breath fire and shoot lasers from it's eyes because....well.....well shit it's been exposed to 315 gallons of Radiation, why the hell not right"

Next time you're watching a Haynes underwear ad, I want you to listen very carefully to what Michael Jordon has to say. That's right, I want you to physically sit down and focus all your attention on the words coming out of his mouth. You want to know why?.. well because you won't hear any words coming out of Michael Jordan's mouth. There have been 13 ads put out by Haynes featuring MJ since 2004 and you know how many words Big Mike has said in total, 5. That's 13 ads and a total of 5 words. Don't believe me?! Watch a Haynes add, MJ won't say a fucking word. He'll smile, he'll walk around, he'll even torture Kevin Bacon by knocking him around the house for a good 30 minutes but he won't utter a single syllable. Now we here at F4P have been watching this growing trend with growing unease. Why wouldn't Haynes want one of the greatest Basketball players of all time speaking and promoting their product.

What or who is keeping MJ silent? Well we here at f4p have uncovered some startling, ground breaking information. We have discovered that the dismal failure that was Space Jam caused Michael Jordan to make a deal with the Devil in order to keep his fame, fortune, and dignity...all it cost him was his voice....think little Mermaid but with a 6'6" black man and the Devil (credit goes to ski on that one) Since then, Jordan has only had the ability to speak 332 words a year. Needless to say the greatest basketball player of all time (other then the Basketball Jesus) isn't going to waste his valuable words on an underwear commercial, especially one co starring Kevin (I married that wide mouth freak Karrah Sedgewick) Bacon. Stay with f4p for more late breaking developments.

If history has taught us one thing it's that the Finns hate the French.

As far back as we can remember which would be about 25 years or so the people of Finland have always deeply hated the French. It all goes back to when Louis XIV bitch slapped the Finnish King after the Finnish King called him a poodle loving twat....well after harboring years of hatred the Finn's have finally struck back, From ESPN.com

"French long jumper Salim Sdiri suffered a one-inch wound to his side when he was hit by a javelin during the Golden Gala on Friday.

AP Photo/Gregorio Borgia

French long jumper Salim Sdiri was struck by a javelin in his right side while waiting in a designated warm-up area at the Golden League meeting in Rome Friday.

The incident occurred midway through the evening when Finnish thrower Tero Pitkamaki slipped at the end of his run-up, hurling the javelin out to the left of the landing area and spearing Sdiri in his right side as he crouched in the long jump warm-up section."

Well it's only a matter of time before a French shot putter accidentally tosses his shot put through a Finnish sprinters head.

http://sports.espn.go.com/oly/trackandfield/news/story?id=2935704

"You like that don't you...yah you do...your naughty"

The Beckhams have landed, the Beckhams have landed! Every one's favorite midfielder (whatever the hell that is) and his Spice girl wife have finally arrived in the U.S. and thank God, cause if there is one thing this country didn't have enough of its what ever the hell is going on in that picture over there. I don't even want to know where that hand ended up, and who do you think he is looking at....I am betting Ronaldo myself.
Anyways I can honestly say I don't envy Beckham, everyone is predicting that he is going to save the sport of soccer/futbol or at least make it a mainstream sport. And I don't see one aging star in a league of nobodies being able to pull that off. Beckham is peaking right now as far as U.S. popularity is concerned I suggest you ride it while you can sir cause unless you got a sex tape you can release in about 3 months your 15 minutes is slowly ticking down...





For more Beckham stuff check out:

http://soccernet.espn.go.com/columns/story?id=444718&root=mls&cc=5901
http://sports.yahoo.com/sow/news?slug=ap-sportsshowcase&prov=ap&type=lgns

So this is what it's like when worlds collide!

He prefers eating children....but midgets work too!

We kid! We Kid, these two are shaking hands prior to there steal cage match....China Ladies and Gentleman.....

Picture from BBC.com

Why most of the world hates us!

Before we get to far into this monstrosity on the left let me set the scene as to how it was created. Its 2002, a fat 35 year old man is sitting in his mothers basement playing Xbox and listening to sports talk radio.......

Fatman: "Man I am hungry, but what to eat, hmmm ring dings...nah, Cheetos...nope not in the mood looking for something a little healtier. I want a hamburger but I also feel like doughnuts, crap I can't have both.......or can I! MOM!! I need a Hamburger no Buns and two glazed....no wait make that Boston Cream Doughnuts. MOM!

AND SCENE!

And thus A hamburger smashed between to doughnuts was born.

Ok that story's not true but there is a riveting story on Yahoo.com debating if the Fatkreme predates the Luther Burger.

"In a stunning turn of events that may shake the very foundations of burgerological anthropology, A Hamburger Today has been presented with credible new evidence that the first burger to use a Krispy Kreme doughnut as a bun may have evolved almost two years earlier than previously thought."

I can't believe this is news does anyone realize there is a war going on! If you want to read more about this and begin to understand why the rest of the world hates us read this:

http://food.yahoo.com/blog/ahamburgertoday/2775/the-fatkreme-does-it-predate-the-luther-burger

Harry Potter and The Order of the Phoenix: A Review

Let me just start off by saying I really need to see this one again to give it a fair shake, but that's probably not going to happen till it comes out on DVD so.....Anyways it's another year at Hogwarts, and Harry and his rag tang band of flunky friends are back at it in this the fifth installment of J.K. Rowling's Harry Potter series. Voldermort is back and some would claim badder then ever (although I still maintain Cedric Diggory had it coming) and the ministry of magic is doing everything they can to deny this fact. This movie had a different feel then it's predecessors and was far darker. No longer is Hogwarts Harry's happy place, ( Slide) but instead it has become a place almost as dismal to stay at as the Dursleys. It's only saving grace is of course Harry's friends and a new love interest In Chow Chang. Yates (The director) does a good job of darkening up Hogwarts but. He uses a lot of soft undertones and shadows to convey this and I think he did a good job of capturing the "teenage angst that only being 15 can bring. The story moves right along in some parts moving to fast and almost seeming as my roommate put it to be "Herky Jerky". One moment your at Hogwarts the next your in the forbidden forest, then your whipped to Grimwald place for an extended emotional scene with Sirius that M.B.L.A (or Man, boy love association) would be proud of, then back to Hogwarts, then zipped to Hogsmede. Frankly if I had not read the book I think I would have been lost. This was the longest book to date but the shortest movie, and I feel almost as if Yates took the book and summarized it skipping from one major theme to the other with out ever really delving to deep into characters, there emotions or plot, and despite this the acting I though was phenomenal each character was given the emotional range (as Hermione would put it) of a spoon but they still pulled it off quite well. From reading the books we know that there are a lot of emotional under currents running through the story and not just for Harry. Yates did not do a great job of showing this, and if you hadn't read the books you probably missed it all together.
Over all I give this movie a 7 out of 10 and probably place it third or fourth as far as it's standing against the other movies in the series.