Next time you're watching a Haynes underwear ad, I want you to listen very carefully to what Michael Jordon has to say. That's right, I want you to physically sit down and focus all your attention on the words coming out of his mouth. You want to know why?.. well because you won't hear any words coming out of Michael Jordan's mouth. There have been 13 ads put out by Haynes featuring MJ since 2004 and you know how many words Big Mike has said in total, 5. That's 13 ads and a total of 5 words. Don't believe me?! Watch a Haynes add, MJ won't say a fucking word. He'll smile, he'll walk around, he'll even torture Kevin Bacon by knocking him around the house for a good 30 minutes but he won't utter a single syllable. Now we here at F4P have been watching this growing trend with growing unease. Why wouldn't Haynes want one of the greatest Basketball players of all time speaking and promoting their product.

What or who is keeping MJ silent? Well we here at f4p have uncovered some startling, ground breaking information. We have discovered that the dismal failure that was Space Jam caused Michael Jordan to make a deal with the Devil in order to keep his fame, fortune, and dignity...all it cost him was his voice....think little Mermaid but with a 6'6" black man and the Devil (credit goes to ski on that one) Since then, Jordan has only had the ability to speak 332 words a year. Needless to say the greatest basketball player of all time (other then the Basketball Jesus) isn't going to waste his valuable words on an underwear commercial, especially one co starring Kevin (I married that wide mouth freak Karrah Sedgewick) Bacon. Stay with f4p for more late breaking developments.