British Blamed for Blood Thirsty Badgers in Basra

BBC.com is reporting that the delightful people of Basra Iraq were sent into a full fledged panic when....

"Word Spread among the populace that UK Troops had introduced strange man-eating bear-like beasts into the area...."

What were these horrible, ferocious bear-like beasts that the UK sent in to help us win the War in Iraq? The answer is Badgers and they weren't even brought there by the British they were indigenous to the area. The war in Iraq is messed up but it would hit a whole new level if the British were unleashing man eating badgers what's next Canadian Coalition forces begin to use Beavers for amphibious assault landings.

Deep water

*Note for anyone who ever went to my old page some of these posts are old hat.... I apologize for the lack of creativity but I need some things to place on this new site.

I have an irrational fear of deep water, I don't know when or why this happened I just know that one day I was treading water and I realized that I deeply feared not being able to see my feet. Since that day and in case you were wondering it was March 9, 2001 at roughly 3:31pm EST but anyways since that day it is rare that you will see me swimming in water over my head where I can't see my feet. Now When it comes to pools I am fine cause A. you can always see the bottom and B. their are no chances that Sharks will eat me. But why the Fear? What in my young life caused me to so despise deep water? I have a couple theories on this.

1. When I was 16 years old I was going out to drink on the town with my buddies, by drink on the town I mean sneak some old stale Budweiser tall boys out of my friends basement and drink at the golf course by his house topping of the night by peeing in the hole at the 18th Green. I digress so anyways I am trying to get out of the house and play it cool now keep in mind this is in December my mother turns to me and says "Kevin, if your ever caught in a rip tide, do not fight it! Let it drag you out to sea and then swim back to shore at an angel! It took me so off guard that I wonder if she somehow managed to shock me into a fear of deep water. She explained it as she just thought I should know, and was completely serious and it had just occurred to her than to tell me this....My mother ladies and gentleman.....

2. I saw Jaws at a very young age and for six months after that I would go no where near water. It got to the point where I had to be hospitalized due to dehydration. I almost died. Eventually my parents bought me a fish and i got over it...

3. The sudden up swing of stingray attacks in the past 7 years. You think I'm kidding, well I am not. I mean it's sad that the death of a D to possibly C list celebrity had to bring it into the lime light but it's been happening since at least 1999 and you can bet your sweet balls that it is going to keep happening. Until we stand together and fight....We need to put aside our petty differences unite under one common flag and slaughter those thin skinned pieces of shit. In a world where were all wearing deep sea diving suits(in order to get to the proper depth required to enter the stingray world and not get the bends on the way back up after killing their queen) Their is no black or white, no yellow or Dutch. Their is only Black swim suits???Ok so their is black but not skin color black, look what I am trying to say is that it makes us all equal...do you think the stingrays care what color we are, cause NEWSFLASH ! They Freakin don't.......

What the hell was I blogging about again, oh yes my fear of deep water. Well after rereading this blog, checking of course for spelling errors as, and I am sure this is evident in the last two blogs I always do I would have to say that my fear of deep water stems from my hatred of stingrays. That's their turf I am treading in, you've been warned, well I am off to go take a bath with the lights off...Later

The most epic battle ever

So I am sitting at work today, doing the ol job, when A thought popped into my head, A thought that made me lay down my # 2 pencil and stare into space for a good ten minutes or so.. You know one of those questions that just randomly pops into your head and than begins to naw away at the back of your brain, like did I leave the oven on....Did I feed the dog, did I pick up little Susie from Day care yesterday cause she is no where in the house and I think that is DSS knocking at the door, one of those types of questions. What is this monumental question you might ask, what could have caused the ever diligent Kevin Reino from ceasing his work, and to stare stupidly into the soft pink wall of his cubicle for no less than ten minutes....Well it's simple I was mentally debating who would win in a fight...Capt. Kirk, or Capt Picard. Yup that's it!!!!!To make it easy I broke it down into a set of competitions cause it's unfair to judge the two side by side cause they lived like a century apart. In two very different worlds.

So lets begin and keep count1. Kirk Vs Picard in a bare knuckled fisticuffs match (fighting for those of you born after 1923) In this category the nod has to go to Kirk. I mean he was the first interstellar bad boy. I mean don't get me wrong Picard would get a few licks in and the two would walk away with a mutual respect of each other, but Kirk well Kirk was a fighter, Picard more of a thinking man, Next... Winner: KIRK

2. Picard Vs. Kirk Vs. Chef Tornagato at Kitchen stadium with the secret ingredient being Squid eggs:Ok so ignoring the Iron chef their, the victor here would be Picard. I mean come on he is French and they are born to cook. Kirk is from Minnesota I think or North Dakota or actually San Fran I can't remember, but regardless he is an American man so their are only three things he knows how to make...Hamburger from a cow he killed himself...Macaroni from wheat he grew himself....and cereal, before killing the cow he milked it. All of which are horribly burned and smothered in BBQ sauce. Winner :PICARD

3. Kirk Vs. Picard in an old school pencil fight (no huskies) Well this one is tough cause well their really is no skill to pencil fighting other than the mega whack which as we all remember from elementary school inflicts massive damage to one's opponent while weakening one's own pencil. Nod here goes to Picard cause Kirk would be mega whacking...(immature snicker) all day long while Picard would be waiting him out thinking through the battle using Kirks strategy against him. Winer : PICARD

4. Kirk Vs. Picard in love making (not to each other to women or aliens....alien women) Well this one is easy! Picards the kind of guy who would love a lady...wine, maybe read her a sonnet or a haiku. Regale her with tales of her own beauty and than make gentle sweet love to her. Kirk would do all the same things but with only one thing in mind....Super Kirk Sex!!! were talking putting someone through a plaster wall sex where in the end the bed is some how up on it's side, the dresser is hanging out the window and the cat is dead.....Winner: KIRK

5. Kirk Vs. Picard in a game of Bad mitten (sp??) Note no points are awarded here cause real men don't play bad mitten, even men in the super PC future that they both came from....rather they would march over their together kick the crap out of whoever was playing (Hopefully some Romulus or even some Klingon's cause we all know Kirk hates them) Use the net to wrap them up than throw them out the trash bay of the enterprise and laugh while drinking natty ice as their heads explode in the cold vacuum of space. Winner: Everybody cause honestly can you trust someone who plays Bad mitten....No you can't!Well after reviewing all the facts I pretty much assumed it was a tie. I mean lets face it they are just both really great Capt.

I quickly picked up my #2 pencil and returned to work. Si denote...Stingray watch 06 meeting notes....It was agreed by all members of the anti stingray league that the title stingray watch 06 will be changed to stingray watch 07 at the turn of the year. Originally the delegation from China was opposed to the idea stating that they wanted to change it to Stingray watch 4703 but we had to explain to them that we were not using the Chinese year. It took some doing but we got it done. Note if you would like to join the anti String ray league, please just contact us...within days you will receive your custom pin, hat, and shirt. The stingrays are mobilized and they are coming...

Bud and Barry The Adventure Continues!

Here is what bothers me about the fact that Bud Selig might not attend the game in which Barry Bonds breaks the all time Home run record. This is the monster that Selig created and now that it's out and wreaking havoc he is trying to distance himself from it. After the strike Baseball was lost, no one was watching, no one cared. America felt abandoned by it's national pass time, then all of a sudden you get these guys up there crushing the ball and the hunt for the single season record began and just like that everyone is back in. I mean it was exciting baseball, McGuire and Sosa two "Huge Freaking Guys" knocking the ever living crap out of the ball. It was sports at it's finest. To bad we now know it was probably sports at it's lowest considering they were both juicing, but still at the time it was exciting. The problem is you can't tell me that Selig didn't know these guys were juicing you can't say that he didn't suspect it. He knew and he just looked the other way, and I mean honestly in his shoe's wouldn't you.

It brought people back to baseball and as commissioner that is his job. To keep people coming to the games and watching on TV. But it just ruffles my feathers that now that it's out there he is playing all innocent. Buddy boy normal human beings don't have heads that grow, plus some of they guys out there look like they could have moonlighted for the WWE, another topic I could talk about, but well save that for another Post. I don't feel it's right that Bud leaves Barry out there to dry. I think When Barry crushes that record breaking home run Selig should be there to congratulate him. Hand him the trophy and be like "We did it buddy we brought people back to baseball, Oh and sorry your nuts have shriveled to the size of walnuts and you fly into uncontrollable fits of rage, oh and the fact that most likely you will be dead of cancer in the next ten years....yah.....thanks.....got to go...!"